In the world of purebreds there are three basic rules:
1. Looks are the most important thing in life.
2. Make sure the breed is unique.
3. Just keep inbreeding.
The following creatures, supposedly feline, should have been pruned from this already unfortunate family tree. Instead they are recognized breeds.
5. Russian Blue
From the Breed Profile:
“Little is known about the origin of the Russian Blue, however, stories and legends abound. Many believe the Russian Blue is a natural breed originating from the Archangel Isles in northern Russia...”
That, or Mars.
There is something distinctly extra-terrestrial about this cat. It bears striking resemblance to the typical 'little grey' alien sci-fi fans are so familiar with.
But Wait, There's More:
“One of the most outstanding features of the Russian Blue is a short, dense coat of an even, bright blue color with each hair dipped in silver.”
Did they just say each hair is dipped in silver?
This cat is worth a million dollars.
4. Devon Rex
From the Breed Profile:
“In 1959, a Miss Cox of Devonshire England found that a stray cat in her care had given birth to a rather odd looking curly-haired kitten, the sire thought to be a curly-haired tomcat seen in the area. Delighted with the kitten's elfin features and wavy curls, she named him Kirlee -- the founding father of the unique and wonderful breed of cats known today as the Devon Rex.”
Unbeknownst to Miss Cox (worst pseudonym ever), her unwitting discovery came right in time for a horrible new fashion:
The Borg queen gets a perm.
Also one questions whether we should be encouraging anything to look 'elfin'.
What one hugely popular and extremely effeminate role can do to an otherwise uninteresting film career.
But Wait, There's More:
“Devons are low maintenance, wash-and-wear companions.”
Perhaps that's why their coats look like that.
Please do not wear your cat.
3. Colorpoint Shorthair
From the Breed Profile:
“Colorpoint Shorthairs are the first cousins of the Siamese. This breed is distinguished by its elegance in sixteen different "point" colors beyond the four Siamese colors. Half-siblings to the Siamese by virtue of their foundation and continuing breeding with the Siamese, the Colorpoint Shorthair is a hybrid breed of the Siamese.”
By all admissions, a knock-off inbreed of a much more popular inbreed. This cat's IQ can probably be measured on one hand. A recent creation, it proves that breeders have learned nothing about genetics in the past 200 years.
But Wait, There's More:
“To distinguish the new breed from the Siamese, CFA breeders adopted the name Colorpoint Shorthair for registration purposes, and through a painstaking process won recognition as a breed in 1964.”
The poor thing doesn't even know if it's looking up or down.
2. Cornish Rex
From the Breed Profile:
“Are those cats from outer space?!”
If you don't know shouldn't we just kill them?!
This cat is clearly the by-product of curly Devon Rex and the alien Russian Blue. Or a crossbreed of a fur ball and alien-Burns.
It comes in peace.
But Wait, There's More:
“In spite of their sophisticated, elegant appearance, Cornish Rex cats are anything but cool, aloof or dignified.”
Two problems:
1. Obviously they have never seen one of these cats.
2. What character traits would you ascribe to a cat that looks like this?
Besides 'fugly' or 'unfortunate'.
1. Sphynx
From the Breeder Profile:
“This cat and a few other naturally hairless cats have been found worldwide. These have magically been produced by Mother Nature and are the foundation for this unusual breed.”
We already know that breeders don't have the basic concepts of genetics down. Which leaves one question:
Why?
These cats were bred in 1966. The Mexican Hairless Dog had been around for thousands of years. We know that cats and dogs don't mix, but when the evidence is running around barking at you, we could only hope humanity had learned its lesson.
We were wrong.
But Wait, There's More:
“They perform silly antics for your entertainment and are sometimes downright clumsy...on purpose it seems.”
“The texture of the Sphynx skin has been compared to a suede covered hot water bottle”
“Because of the lack of hair that would normally absorb body oils, the Sphynx needs periodic bathing and ear cleaning.”
Clearly a kind, loving creature that has no intention of killing you in your sleep.
With all those traits to recommend it why wouldn't you spend as much for one as you would on three new iPhones?
All pictures/quotes courtesy the Cat Fancier's Association, Inc.
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