A droll
tweet prompted this, here is the image original, and a transcription, for those
whom the image fails:
Make America
again. Just make it again. Let’s start over completely. We had a good run but
it’s time to hit the reset button and start again.
Some
thoughts for America 2.0:
- National anthem is “Gasolina”
- No founding fathers whatsoever but maybe we give Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson a mountain statue or two
- Let’s do way, way less genocide this time. I’m thinking definitely like 0% of the genocide form the last time, that seems good
- Maybe more holidays about dogs
So here’re
my thoughts.
First
off, unless you discover a new landmass that’s uninhabited, America 2.0 will be
built atop the current America, right? The historian in me, the same impulse
that hates when ISIS destroyed ancient temples, would want us to keep the remnants,
the ruins and monuments, of the past America. Modern Greece exists alongside
the Acropolis, modern Mexico City has preserved aspects of Tenochtitlan which
preceded it.
As such,
let us not go dynamiting Mount Rushmore so as to carve The Rock’s face where
Lincoln’s used to be. (In general I question the long-term historical import of The
Rock, as beloved as he may be.) And on the note of the Founding Fathers, there
would be… founders, right? Whether you like it or not, presumably some people
would take greater responsibility in the creation of this new enterprise. They
shouldn’t all be white men, many of whom were slave-owners, but you’re still going
to have founders, regardless.
For the
sake of nationalism and identity, for a country that will be laid atop the
geographic spread and demographic spread of the current United States, unifying
factors are not a bad idea. Instead of Washington’s Birthday it may be Shonda’s
Birthday, but a bit of healthy founder veneration isn’t out of place. Regarding
dog holidays, perhaps if we made Earth Day a national holiday as a start? (And what’s wrong
with cats? A Pets Day, perhaps.) I’m all for holidays. Here are some other suggestions:
Some
sort of Independence Day makes sense, based on whenever we become a new nation.
Arbor
Day should totally be Federal.
United
Nations Day is a good thing. Human Rights Day too.
May 1st
is another good international holiday we could adopt, to replace our Labor Day.
Make
Thanksgiving America 1.0 Day. A celebration and reflection of all that was good
(pumpkin pie) and bad (genocide) about the first incarnation of our nation. Reflection is good.
I’m
also okay with keeping Martin Luther King Day.
Replace
Columbus Day with Indigenous Peoples Day, as some states have already done.
Make
all major religious holidays Federal. They have to be major, not like feast
days for saints, but that way everyone becomes aware of each other’s beliefs
and we all get time off. Win-win. So Christmas, Eid al-Fitr, Passover, Visak,
Holi – all of it.
Memorial
Day and Veterans Day are both still good ideas. Especially since Veterans is,
again, international.
New
Years is silly, but I’m okay with keeping it too.
Teacher’s
Day is a big deal elsewhere, it should be in America 2.0 as well.
Okay,
now we’ve got our founders, a bit of mythos but less problematic than before,
and some healthy holidays to let people feel pride and celebrate who we are.
The next part is weirdly phrased in the original, which is on genocide: “like
0% of the genocide form the last time”. Now, with a little grammatical
wizardry, this could be taken to say that some genocide is okay, especially
since they state they want “less genocide”. One of America’s issues is a vague
Constitution. Come on, people! Let’s not start off with the same problems as
America 1.0. The “from last time” clause could be interpreted as allowing
genocide, just so long as it doesn’t affect the same populations (indigenous
peoples). Instead it should be clear: No genocide of any sort at all. Sheesh.
Lastly,
from the original post, I had to look up “Gasolina”, which appears to be a
track by Daddy Yankee from 2004. (I fail to see the nationalist value of the
track, but increasingly am concerned with the poster’s infatuation with
celebrity. America 2.0 would presumably be raised from the ashes of reality
star’s failed Presidency – and we don’t want that shit to happen again. A basic threshold
of ability and experience required, please.) We would need a new anthem,
though. Ideally one we could all sing. If Daddy Yankee wants to write it, fine, but let's make something new.
These
are my thoughts on the original post.
Beyond
that, here are things I’d like to see, in no particular order, for America 2.0
which, may, upon reflection, be a little more important than carving a statue of Dwayne
‘The Rock’ Johnson:
A
representative, blended presidential-parliamentary system (along French lines) with
two proportional houses makes sense. State boundaries aren’t valuable unless we
make it explicit that they are flexible with demographic changes – one of the
gravest problems we currently face. Elections need to be publicly funded and
our Bill of Rights needs some more explicit language, a la Justice Stevens’ Six Amendments. Make alcohol, weed, and
tobacco 21 across the board (unless, like, you’re actively serving in the
military, in which case, sure – you can have your cigarettes and booze). On the
subject of age, perhaps a nationally-agreed upon age defining adulthood,
consent, etc. since 2/3 of the states have an age of consent under 18, and
every state currently allows child marriage exemptions, and you know. That’s a
huge problem. Perhaps lower the voting/adult/consent age to 17 as a compromise
(or keep it 18 like civilized society, but I doubt much of the country would be
on board with that. Too many people start having sex as teens. A good
compromise should leave everyone feeling bad, after all…) Making whatever
consenting adults do legal so long as they’re not harming others. That can
include prostitution (sorry Nevada) and an acknowledgement of differing
sexualities, gender identities, and legalizing non-monogamous relationships
(for survivor benefits, etc.). Ensure education is free or affordable, and providing 21st
century alternatives to that college/masters combo. Incentivizing a three-fold
path after college: enlisting in the armed forces for two years, two years of
Peace Corps, or two years of AmeriCorps. Gets people moving around,
interacting, helping out the country and helping others. Change prison culture
to rehabilitation (when possible) and get rid of private prisons and private
military contractors. Making it really very clear that we can’t get involved in
military conflicts without Congressional Approval unless we’ve been hit first
and need immediate retaliation – and clearly legally defining war so that
things like Vietnam and Korean ‘police actions’ don’t happen again (at least
not without Congress’ approval). Other definitions are needed for strong
privacy and data laws, the nightly news being commercial-free, and the internet
a public utility. Also need to fix our bonkers copyright and patent laws. A cap on CEO, President, and all other corporate salaries – proportional to
their own employees. All of the stuff I mentioned a couple of months ago regarding the institutional failures of the Presidency. A Federal living minimum wage. Stricter laws on guns, which I’ve also talked about before. We can let religions keep their tax-free real estate, but on the condition that
they stay the heck out of politics. If they get involved, as George Carlin
noted, then they can pay their taxes like everybody else. Speaking of which,
the pledge of allegiance – if we keep it, it can’t have religious language. Think
tanks with defined partisan agendas, also, cannot register as NGOs, but must be
publicly funded, or become corporations. Universal healthcare, and more access
to health services, especially in schools and rural areas, and doubly especially
access to Planned Parenthood and like services. Paid parental leave – basically
anything Michael Moore brought up in his recent documentary Where to Invade Next.
Getting rid of homelessness (even voluntary – sorry wand’ring gypsy children,
you need an address. The census is important, and we need to know who the heck
lives here. Also: get a job, long-hair!). We can also fix our infrastructure and
make more green solutions to deal with climate change (some painful. New
Orleans and Miami…) and rejoin the Paris Climate Accord.
So, you
know, just a few things. A couple of small fixes - if we decide to Make America
Again.
