Wednesday, April 23, 2014

21 Fantasy Countries

The ever-excellent Bathroom Monologues has a current post wherein you have to create 21 fantasy countries, in as many sentences. I was so tickled by the idea I made my own in less than a half hour. These were, therefore, just the first ones I came up with. Given more time they'd probably be far more polished.


1.       I mean, look at the ghosts across the street – the neighborhood really is gentrifying.

2.       The meat stage slowly ended, over a pubescent course of years, whilst the end of the silicon in-between years transmogrified in a single night.

3.       No one can hear, or even experience vibrations, due to the incessant drumming clicks of the local fauna’s mating calls.

4.       These peoples engage in ritual scarification, removing eyes, earlobes, and pinkies, to be replaced with adornments of sentient metal.

5.       Half of the population experience time slow down when taxes are due, and half sped up; however, the accountants are the half that don’t get to relish the season.

6.       We went on thinking the island was uninhabited, enjoying the abundance of springs with fresh water, when crew began one by one to be heard only as disembodied voices.

7.       Without a mask, speech was impossible.

8.       Buy new Zambaquil, for your emotional allergies – relieves weariness, fatigue, and depression.

9.       Books can’t be read by us, but in reading our thoughts fill volumes for their own pleasure.

10.   Self-aware STDs keep breeding the host, but due to high mortality rates with infection, are trying to get the younger generations to practice abstinence.

11.   Everyone’s first hallucination becomes real, but none afterwards.

12.   In an inversion of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the species here requires morality and creativity to survive, and aspire someday to have food and shelter.

13.   No djinn had ever rubbed another’s lamp, and within a generation all of our problems were solved.

14.   Due to an early and advanced understanding of relativity, these people bend spacetime not to travel, but to make pretty doily designs.

15.   With translucent skin, these creatures have no sense of embarrassment, and consequently no understanding of shame or pride.

16.   Your life is experienced as a stream of consciousness by someone else, as you bungle through your own experiences, blinded by mental images of another’s reality.

17.   Two-and-a-half dimensional creatures have disdain for those confined to one plane or space.

18.   If only this house could talk, the stories it would tell would raise the asking price by at least a couple hundred bucks.

19.   Bells constantly ringing, as the winds attempt to make love to their luscious curves.

20.   The worst insult I ever received was a rose on my doorstep, from my garden – I mean, who would willfully slaughter our transcendent ancestors?


21.   A tribe of savages who on outrigger canoes are slowly trying to put the sea to sleep by covering it in an enormous blanket, to the dismay of other coastal peoples.

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