Musings

Somewhere, back in the archives, I posted a basic theory about people that I didn't fully flesh out.

The notion was that there is a huge scorecard, of sorts, with boxes you can check off at any time. Some are sequenced, like learning to walk before learning algebra, but even in some rare cases the exceptional child will (probably has somewhere) flip them. These outliers underscore just what little order there is to this process.

Now, fundamentally, I think there is a very limited number of permutations of people. The more I meet, the more they remind me of aspects of others. I first began to notice this, superficially and facially, when I was in middle school. Then I began to recognize it on layers of personality.

For example, I am interested in one type of girl. She usually looks pretty similar, but not always. Without initial knowledge certain personal factors arise. The first few times these oddly specific coincidences occurred I was legitimately freaked out. Now I'm not: although I'm still not sure how I'm able to pick up the right type that will possess these deep-hidden traits from seemingly superfluous interactions.

For the last few weeks I've been watching the original Prisoner series, one episode a day. The version I've been watching was re-ordered and has commentary by Scott Appel. Appel's commentary is fine, but his demeanor bugs me. Why?

This returns to the checklist of accomplishments/personality stages. Appel acts like I used to act. His performance is what I would've given a couple years ago.

I think this is why some types of people fundamentally irk or irritate me: I see myself in them, but a less developed self. My most awkward stage, so far, was probably as a preteen. I can't stand watching preteens, because they behave like I did. This feeling, as demonstrated with Appel, though, is also quite acute the closer it is to the present. That is, the sting of difference between yourself and the other is more keenly felt the less time has passed from your conversion.

They reinforce traits you possessed and have now grown beyond. The more sophisticated (or perhaps advanced, or wise, or aware) you become the greater the irritation and boredom with those around you. As you progress further and further more variants of your self are left behind to be found disfavorable.

But this is only my experience. I know some people have gone through it as well. At a certain age it becomes archetypal. Yet there are other possibilities where this process is not as judgemental, or derisive of others. From their perspective people like me are still in an earlier incarnation, and those people are probably, at some depth, irked by us.