Movie Reviews Continued

More movies I was not impressed with, but was told were great.


Stagecoach

If this is the blueprint for westerns it explains why I don't care for them.

Raise the Red Lanterns

Chinese women are... there's no nice way to end this sentence.

Intolerance

Humans suck.

The Miracle of Morgan's Creek

Okay, I actually need to spend some time on this one. Richard Schickel and Richard Corliss each thought this was great. It was recently inducted into the Library of Congress.

A screwball comedy that has over-the-top ham acting, a plot that requires an either/or scenario to maintain interest, and cinematography so forgettable that I had to pause before writing just to remember what some of the scenes looked like.

What the hell? Certain movies that come highly recommended, and 'Miracle' is amongst the foremost, just make no sense to me whatsoever. There's no message, no great quotes, no intriguing shots of the camera. The performances are almost embarrassing. I felt uncomfortable watching them act. Whatevs.

Sabrina

Humphrey Bogart and Audrey Hepburn.

Manhattan

Makes you believe in the power of foreshadowing.

Fargo

Cold case file.

Back to the Future

I actually got angry at the number of plot holes in this.

Terminator/Terminator 2: Judgement Day

It didn't happen.

Judgement at Nuremberg

Good acting beset by message.

The Lost Weekend

I am batman!

Die Hard

Bruce Willis saving the day? Seems implausible.

The Sting

This is like Ocean's Eleven or any heist movie: since the acting isn't particularly motivating you keep watching merely for the reveal, and then you can forget about it.

M*A*S*H*

Maybe I had to know the show. Which is not an endorsement.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

God is a robot.

The Adventures of Robin Hood

Seriously, Douglas Fairbanks is going to hurt himself if he keeps acting like this.

Scarface (1932)

The director later made 'Hatari!' and 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes'. This nicely blends both.

Fight Club

ZOMG!

L'Aventurra

Little kids ruin everything, are French.

Enter the Dragon

Mirrors do not equal good cinematography.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

I was more intrigued by Christopher Lloyd than Jack Nicholson. Is that a bad thing?

Toy Story

3D animation produces 2D characters.

American Psycho

Hilariously accurate depiction of the 1980s.

Howl's Moving Castle

Emo boys like fire.

Moulin Rouge!

Absinthe makes silly characters act somber.

The Matrix

Well, duh.

Titanic

Never understood what made it special: she's not even nude for that long.

American Beauty

Look! A BAG!

Braveheart

Makes 'Pocahontas' look historically accurate.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Many guys must have been upset when they realized this was a romcom.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Ah yes. The aliens love Wyoming. Makes perfect sense.

Videodrome

When I come to my senses, I'm alive. Or not.

Time Bandits

Midgets are funny, right? Right?


I don't know if I can keep this up. They depress me. I've been feeling the same thing in music: too repetitious. Movies increasingly feel formulaic. That's it for now.